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What kind of party animal are you? A wild pig? A cocky rooster? A sadistic sheep? A mad cow? A hippy hen? We love all kinds of party animals at Phag Farm!

About Phag Farm

Phag Farm is a five star resort for the weary gay animal. Originally a working farm, the property was bought by the Four Paws Hotel Group and turned into a luxury resort catering to a decidedly gay clientele. Phag Farm has become the jewel in the crown of the Four Paws empire especially since they operate ten miles away from a Gay Animal reeducation clinic. They have many guests who are technically runaways from the clinic and they check animals in on a Don’t ask, Don’t tell policy. As one Kardisacollie put it, “It’s the underground railroad of spas.” Phag Farm also is a world class health center, with personal trainers, massage therapists, and every spa treatment known to the animal kingdom. It’s the first stop for rich older shitzus. Gossip is rife because as every Party Animal knows, it's not a party till the curvaceous cow sings!

Meet the cows behind the sheep

Paco

Party Planner Porker

"It's not the ham in the hock it's the shaking in the bacon baby" Paco is Porkerican, he's a club pig and he's with a different boar every night. Pablo was the runt of the litter and he never got along with his father who was just a pig of a boar. Paco is a Boariqua. He left the South Bronx Meat Market for the bright lights and big city porcine ways of Manhattan and never looked back. He's a clothes pig and won't wear anything that's not been on the cover of GP Gentleman's Porkly. He's loves the finer things in life, he's a sanglier sommelier; he won't touch the common swill in the trough preferring to eat at upscale establishments like Porcine on the Green and The Suckling Snob. Paco isn't the brightest pig in the pen but he sure is pretty. He's a hot hock flower.

Sam Shorn

Sheep Shearing VP

Is that a pair of scissors in your pocket or are you just happy to shear me? Sam likes to be sheared. He’s an S&M fan who is into leather and outfits with holes in them so tufts of his wool pop out. Sam is from Wyoming where the men are men and the sheep are strong. He’s a Broke Baaah Mutton. He never fit in with the other sheep because he got turned on by the shearing process. Sam used to gather up freshly sheared wool and paste it on himself so he could get sheared, again and again and well you get it

Hanna

PR

"Cluck you!" Hannah is from Texarkana where the Roosters are on a grain gang and the Hens are clucking each other. Hannah was in a relationship with a COCK but he turned out to be a bird of another feather entirely. Hannah doesn't get along with a lot of the other hens in the henhouse because she looks and acts like a Rooster. Her own mother Henrietta blames herself for Hannah’s rooster ways, claiming it was the antibiotics and the environmental testosterones in the feed that made Hannah the way she is. Hannah doesn't give a Cluck, her motto is you can cluck me now or I can cluck you later but someone is getting clucked in this henhouse tonight. Her favorite musicians are Melissa Cluckridge and Sarah McClucklen. She loves being henpecked and she's got a thing for Rhode Island Reds.